A video message...

Hey friends, as you know from the email that brought you here, we're getting not married. We were in Vermont a couple of weeks ago and shot some video, then had our good friend Al use his editing skillz to make it into something watchable. Just enter the password we included in the email, and you should be able to watch the show...

Nikki + Scott's Non-Wedding... from Scott M on Vimeo.

Now that you've had a laugh, have a look around our blog to get more info!

Can't wait to see you in Warren, VT, in September!!

Important Non-Wedding Travel and Other Information

Where to Go:

Nikki + Scott's Non-Wedding will take place on Saturday, September 3 and Sunday, September 4, 2011, at the Missing Links Lodge in wonderful Warren, Vermont at the southern end of the Mad River Valley.

More than just a skier's paradise, the Mad River Valley is home to countless artists, architects, farmers, chefs, rugged individualists, localvores, organic fanatics, and all around characters, not to mention some of the most beautiful scenery in all of Vermont. The Valley runs on tourism these days, so there's no shortage of things to do and see.


Why the Missing Links Lodge?

The Lodge, also known as the Archy Bunker, is the product of the ongoing innovation and invention of David Sellers and his colleagues and students at the Yestermorrow Design/Build School (read more about the Design/Build movement here). Dave is also the father of Nikki's old roomie, Trillium. We first visited the Bunker and the Missing Links in September, 2009, while living apart in Montreal and New York. Warren was roughly in the middle, and a relatively convenient spot to meet up and spend a relaxing and romantic weeked. We immediately knew it would be a fantastic place to throw an unconventional party. The more we learn about the place and the Valley, the more we love it!


Where to Stay:

Being a popular tourist destination, there are plenty of places to stay in the Mad River Valley. We've made special arrangements with Sugar Lodge for our guests to get discounted rates (email us for details about how to get the discount). For those who want to pitch a tent, limited camping space is available at the Missing Links (email us for details). Of course, you're welcome to make your own arrangements, and the Mad River Valley Lodging website is probably the best place to start.

A couple of important notes:

1. The Labour Day weekend is a busy one in the Mad River Valley, with numerous events including the Mad River Road Race (Stage 3 of the Green Mountain Stage Race). So please make your accommodation reservations early if you want to beat the bikers to it!! Also, many places have a three-night minimum stay due to the long weekend. We encourage you to take advantage of that, get away from work, and explore the Valley. If you would like to share rooms, we can help match you up. Send us an email.

2. We've booked the West Hill House bed and breakfast (just across the road from the Non-Wedding site) for the entire weekend for our families. If we hadn't already snagged it, we'd definitely recommend it. Sorry.

3. Please let us know where you plan to stay as soon as you book it so we can make local transportation plans for Saturday's festivities. While most of you will have cars, we will strictly enforce a no drinking and driving policy during our events.


Getting to the Non-Wedding:

For those of you crossing continents and/or oceans, the closest airport to Warren is in Burlington, Vermont, about a 1 hour drive away. Warren is also about a 3 hour drive from both Boston and Montreal, so if you don't mind a longer drive, you may find flying into one of those larger cities easier. If you want to keep the cost of car rentals down, we can help you coordinate with other guests (email us). Warren is about a 6 hour drive from NYC, depending on traffic, floods, and moose.

For local travel during the main events, keep in mind that there are approximately zero taxis in Warren. We'll be organizing mass transport from select hotels to the Missing Links and back for September 3, because we want you to have as much fun as possible without having to worry about driving. More details to follow, and like we said before, please let us know where you're staying so we can make plans.

Who, When, Where, What, Why, and How of a Non-Wedding: An Interview with Nikki + Scott

Q- Who are the couple behind this novel idea?

A-Well we are two Canadians, similar but different, who found each other in a backpacker campground/hostel in Nairobi. We are both atheists. Nikki is an “ist” about just about everything from feminism to former vegetarianism. Nikki enjoys taking positions and defending them, even if she is proven wrong. It could be the lawyer in her, or maybe the competitive swimmer, but in the end she is really just a woman, who, for the most part, disdains traditions that can't be justified in a way that isn't sexist, racist or homophobic. Scott is an anthropologist and part-time perfectionist, and that's about where his -ists stop. Our shared habitus was evident from the moment Nikki was able to see past Scott's beard and Teva sandals.

We knew within weeks of meeting that we were in love and that we would spend the rest of our lives together. Our social contract was formed in October 2008 under the florescent lights of the Nakumatt (i.e. Kenya's version of Wal-Mart), in a grocery store check-out line when Scott said to Nikki, “You know, I would marry you if you wanted me to,” and she replied, “I know.” Our non-wedding, with you, our community, all together under one Vermont sky, is the favor we ask of you: come together and party like it's 1999 (without the fear of the Y2K).

Q-When is this non-wedding happening?

A-September 3, 2011. We met on September 3, 2008 at Upper Hill Campsite. September 3, 2011 is the first time since we met that September 3 falls on a Saturday. Coincidentally, September 3 is also Scott's Mom's birthday, so there will be gluten-free birthday cake and a hearty round of everyone's favourite birthday song performed by all of us (offer does not guarantee in-tune singing).

Q-Where do you plan to do this?

A-At the Missing Links Lodge in Warren, VT. With our friends and family scattered around the globe, this particular spot in what you might think of as the middle of nowhere seems just as good as any. Plus, as Nikki was born in Calgary and Scott in Edmonton, nowhere in Alberta was possible neutral turf!

Q-What, if I may be so bold, is a non-wedding?

A-Our non-wedding is an UNCOR: or an Unconventional, Non-traditional Celebration of Our Relationship. An UNCOR is whatever the couple wants it to be...because they make the rules, not Emily Post. Our UNCOR is just as much about our guests - family and friends invited from 5 continents - as it is about us. It is a fully participatory event: this UNCOR will only be as loving, fun, competitive, crazed, intense, funny, and celebratory as you make it!

Q-How will this UNCOR work?

A-We warmly invite all friends and family willing to share this celebration of our love and lives together. The main event for our non-wedding will be a variety-show-type thing in which you (and we) are the featured performers. We want you to sing, dance, act, juggle, speak, and generally entertain us and each other. We encourage, but do not require, all guests to participate in the show. Please see the schedule of events for more details on how to get involved.

Q-What's this all about really? Why a non-wedding?

A-Mostly to be different...and difficult. Nikki has always approached life by finding out what women are supposed to do and then doing the opposite. Sure, that may be considered juvenile by some, but she makes no apologies for her attitudes. Scott is more measured in his approach, questioning and reasoning why or why not to do something. As an anthropologist, Scott is not averse to ceremony or ritual, nor for that matter is Nikki. But a ceremony or ritual done without questioning, or just because “that's the way its always been done,” does not fly with either of them.

For Nikki it goes much deeper. Her problem with weddings is where they come from: matrimonial ceremonies, precious metal rings, partner selection (or non-selection), white weddings (and their dresses), and the legitimacy or illegitimacy of offspring are based on ideas that women are property, with men paying for the ultimate and exclusive use of such property, and Nikki does not want to associate any of these things with her love for Scott. Scott wants to note that Nikki is not a trained anthropologist, but he loves her anyways. At the same time, both of us respect and love our friends who have chosen to celebrate their relationships in traditional and non-traditional ways, and we'll continue to do so with open hearts and minds.

Marriage as a legal contract and government institution does have its benefits. One thousand and forty nine to be exact, at least in America. Which is precisely why, one day, we will legally marry. However, participating in a socially sanctioned contrhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifact that creates separate classes of citizens: straight and gay, is not acceptable to either of us. Currently, it is also not acceptable to the conditions of our immigration statuses to be legally bound.

By having a non-wedding, instead of a traditional ceremony, we hope to create an anti-establishment utopia with all of you, if only for a long-weekend.

Q – But what if I love weddings and wedding traditions?

Well, we love you, and we've included some of the best parts of weddings in our Non-Wedding. Gifts are not only appreciated, but also expected. Click here for our unconventional gift registry. There will also be plenty of opportunity for dining, dancing, drinking, and dessert. Just don't expect to see a ceremony that resembles anything you might have seen at a wedding.